Achy, Breaky Holiday

It’s achy, breaky Holiday for me.

First, it was my scalp. My mom dabbed blackening solution on my not-so-bald head. And she didn’t know I have dandruff. The result? I got burned scalp, which until today I still suffer.

Second, I was down with allergy. My face got the worst hit. I developed red swells around my face much like pimples. And although the swells are no longer here, I still mourn the thought I can NO LONGER grab any food whatever my stomach craves. I have to bid sweet goodbye to my beloved Chicken and shrimps!

And the third one which by Ritcher scale I’ll have to classify intensity 7.0, is my back pain/ache. Sweet Mary! I’ve been suffering this pain last Wednesday and this didn’t improve. The pain is still much the same. It’s excruciating, mind you, because most of the time I spend lying on my bed. One false move would cause “tremors.”

There. By far, this is the worst holiday for me.

Christmas Wish List

It’s yuletide season once again!

I remember last year when I wrote my first Christmas Wish list. Only one out of ten came true. It wasn’t bad. It was expected. My wishes were so hard to be granted because I only wrote it for fun.

This time, however, I eschew material things, trim down my list, and wish away five things my beloved friends can afford to give to me.

Like last year, if you love me, read on…
Shall I start with number 1? I wish you’d send me a thank you letter. A letter that would make me laugh, smile, and cry – all in that order. This isn’t hard thing to do. Any piece of paper will do. And if you know me at all, you’ll know I’m easy to please.

Thanking me out loud would be my number 2. If you don’t know how to express your feelings in letters, saying them out loud is more than welcome.

Be generous.

Number 3 would be lending me a book you think I will love to read. Don’t fret, I read any genre. The biggest challenge though is to cajole me to finish it. Lately I’ve become so lazy finishing my books. The list of unfinished books is piling up.

A hug would definitely be my number 4. There’s always security and comfort that comes along with hugging – whether platonic, romantic, paternal, and maternal. Hug me – quick!

And lastly, my number 5 I shall keep it to myself. =)

You might have noticed how easy and simple my wishes are this time. Believe me, there’s no easy and simple in my list. This year, I hardly feel the Christmas spirit. It’s December but I don’t feel anything special. I couldn’t point out what’s wrong, but I can say it’s not right. It’s probably the economic crisis. It’s probably my thesis. Or it’s probably I’m getting jaded every year.

And my list would help bring back that Christmas spirit. Like magic.

Merry Christmas!

A Call, a Treat, Two Pizza, a Hold-up

“Ger, come over at Chez Andrei. Janray is treating pizza!”

My heart went giddyap when Arlyn broke this news to me on the next line. It was 1030 PM, and I was about to resign.

“You sure?” I wasn’t asking. I was merely egging on her to go on explain to me how they blackmailed the guy to do “humanitarian” at this time of the night.

And so she told me the details. How they badgered the guy mercilessly to treat them pizza. And how he willingly obliged given that they will contribute 20 pesos each. Poor guy.
And so off I went. Pizza hadn’t been served when I arrived. I saw Bevs, Iris, Ed, Janray, and Arlyn there already occupying the seats, chatting animatedly. They were amused to see me, but not surprised. Oh well. If there’s an award for the Most Valuable Player as far as freebies are concerned it would be me.

While waiting for the pizza to be served, the group continued to chat. Minutes later, Arlyn’s phone vibrated. Dante called up, telling her he’d drop by to get the camera’s cord. Another poor guy.

Using Ed’s phone, I called him up again. After several rings, he answered.
“Dans, Menger here,” I said. “Bevs has something to tell you.” I handed the phone to Beverly. Not knowing what to do, Beverly immediately gave it to Iris who, much to our own surprise suavely finished the deal for us. Another pizza on our way!

It was a fun night. And although Dante told me explicitly that he felt like he was held up or shortchanged because he shelled out 290 pesos when he’s purpose was only to pick up the cord, I know he had a great time. Everyone did.

After all, pizza and friends are always, always a good combination.

Top of the world, looking

I wanted to be a filmmaker. That, or a movie cameraman.

I have no professional knowledge about finding the right angles, looking for the best position, or getting the perfect image.

What I know is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder; and as a beholder, I’ve got to find the perfect position of the object – or the person – I am looking at. What I know is that there is no such thing as dull, or ugly, or bland in this world. Everything is art. So, it’s up to us really how we can position ourselves in a point where we can view the object in its best position or shape.

Yesterday, I had the chance to shoot scenes for our Christian music video. The scenes I shot were of my friend Ron-ron running briskly along the Mactan-Mandaue second bridge. (The video, by the way, is an entry for our chapter in the upcoming SFC reunion)

Perched atop the moving cab, I aimed the camera at my friend in an angle I’d seen so many times in a Hollywood movie. I had it exactly what I mental-pictured – the seascape past the bridge railings; Ron-ron running across the bridge, and being blurred from time to time with the bridge masive suspension.

You should know, capturing a breathtaking scene is gloriously gratifying. It is almost like being on top of the world, looking, only I haven’t been there yet.

Celebrate Life

Life has to go on.

Beginning tonight I should resolve several things to get my life back.

One, I should start searching the brighter side of things. Since I went back to school I’ve turned myself into a mindless pessimist who always has apprehension of just about anything.

Must be the unstable situation I am in. I didn’t plan to overdue college. Nobody does. Things got way off hand. Mine was more financial than personal. I stopped for two years and went to work. When I got back, everyone in my batch already had graduated. The very thought I was left behind made me more insecure. And to think I had a deep insecurity issue ever since my childhood.
But at least I was able to go back. And I’m four-months shy to finally get that elusive diploma. Yehey! He always has reasons. That I’m sure.

Two, I should invest more on people who love me than those I only love. And I’ve regretted so many oppurtunities because I was busy giving my time and love to people who can never give them to me in return.

Three, I should smile more. Laugh more! I’ve missed people telling me how I could smile even in the worsiest of time. Even with the present medical wonders around, this hasn’t changed – Laughter is STILL the best medicine!

Four, I should read once more. Watch movies once more. Heck, jog once more!  

Five, I should reconnect to Him once more. I must admit, I’ve gone cold with Him. And I’ve missed the moments I talked to Him.

How could I doubt Him?

So there. My resolutions. Everday is a new day. A new life.

Let’s celebrate life!

Kalaay.

Have you come to a certain point in your life that you’re doing things routinely not knowing why you have to? Or perhaps you know but exactly have no reason at all why you have to because your heart tells you differently?

I did so many times. In fact, that’s the very feeling I have right now. I’ve just finished whipping up a paper work for my thesis. Finishing the paper work which I’ve had been poking my nose, and life into for the past weeks should give me a wondrous sense of fulfillment. Saving the document after a satisfied editing should give me excitement.  But none of these happened.

After pushing the save button I feel tired, so tired the world looked gray and grim.

After pushing the save button, I picked up my phone and texted nonchalantly my group mates the place and time we will meet for the submission of that paperwork, and wishing after I could get sick so I won’t be able to be there.

This dry feelings even doubled when one of my group mate texted me back  asking if I could move our meeting earlier than what has been set, as he has other engagement to attend to.  I wanted to reply: Go to hell.

It’s evil, I know. But I can’t help it. Sometimes when you’re feeling down you need all the encouragements you can get from your so-called friends. But I haven’t received any. What I received was an apathetic message! Did he even consider that I haven’t had a real sleep because I’m typing away my life this early morning? Did he consider that I also need a rest?

Hahay kalaay. Damn all the insensitive people!

Monologue at 9:45

There’s something about human nature that leaves me wondering. How we are so good at dispensing advices to our friends, and bad at giving ourselves. How we love the persons who can never love us back, and how we can hate the persons who actually never hated us.

How we promised and set rules to ourselves and in the end, bend, if not break them anyway.

It is not true always that wisdom comes with age. I have lived twenty years in this lifetime and it seems I have so much to learn.

And in this lifetime I’ve known younger friends who think maturely than I do. And I’ve also known older friends who I can say think maturely less than I do. Or perhaps mature is a relative word. Things that I do now maybe mature to me, and not to you.

In any case, I have no point in this entry. As you can see my first line describes how stupefied I am of the human complexities and now I’m talking about maturity.

Pointless.

Yesterday, it rained.

Yesterday, it rained.

The rain dampened the spirits of festivity somewhat. There were fewer people who came to town to celebrate the feast. And unlike before the streets were flooded with people who went in and out of the town and vehicles were rare, yesterday felt so ordinary; vehicles sped by like it’s a normal day of the week.

Yesterday, it rained.

And the rain emphatized me somewhat. These past few days I feel so low, so low I could bury myself three hundred feet deep.

The sky wept for me because I’m not capable of crying or weeping. There were nights a multitude of sadness creeps on me but I could not bring myself to shed a tear. Instead I just stay on my bed, stunned, and frozen.

There is so much coldness in me. There is so much pride. And although how fucked up that concept Boys Don’t Cry is, I guess I have embraced it with much affinity. But how I wish I could cry. Because when I can, I’ll be be able to dispose of the these emotional baggages I have carried for a while – pain, hate, anger, indifference, betrayal, and guilt. And while I can’t do that…

the rain did it for me.

Jayce

Dear Igit,

As promised, I showed up to your baby Jayce Wilmar’s baptism. And as usual, I came late.

Janice (yep, your beautiful understanding wife) told me that the baptism will start at 10: 00 AM. At 10: 30, I was still inside a cab, which was sandwiched by the early morning traffic. I didn’t realize until that very moment that the traffic was awful because of the town’s fiesta. Several roads had been blocked.

Very late, I made a mad dash down the busy streets of Opon going to the church. I saw your wife waiving from the far corner, and by the looks of her vibrant face I knew the ceremony hadn’t started yet. Ah, this is Philippines after all, best friend.

I saw your first born for the first time. He didn’t look like you. Ha! His features were most from his mom. But the shape of his head came from you. And he sleep a lot! While you can’t keep yourself from writhing and bubbling, your son slept the whole ceremony. In his age, he had the patience a mile wide. And to think the venue was sweltering hot, and other babies were screaming like banshees!

You must be a proud daddy now, ‘Git. Although I have to condition myself of the idea that you’re now a father when in fact you still are a kid to me. Okay, me included. There’s must be a maturity that comes along with fathering a child.

And hey, you pray that I’ll graduate this March, will you? You have to, if you want your baby Jayce to have a gift from his Ninong in his first birthday.

Until then.

Hoping you’ll ship Harry Potter book 6 to my address (haha),

Tobol

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